by ERIKA SASSEVILLE

Disclaimer: This production is 18+ and VERY much NSFW, so this review may be as well!

Okay, so I know I play it fast and loose with my professional voice for these reviews, but buckle up because you ain’t seen NOTHING yet. I’m writing this review solely because I believe it deserves to be seen and everyone deserves to see it. I went to this raunchy masterpiece to support a friend (Michael Hundevad who played Mr. Bingley to my Jane Bennet this fall at TRP, aka Apollo in the Nutcracker Noir) and did not request press tickets or plan to write a review in the short time between performance weekends. However, what I experienced on Friday night at the Phoenix Theater in Minneapolis must be seen to believed and I decided I couldn’t possibly keep this show to myself! Another note: the performers use stage names and are credited as such in the program, so that is how they will be credited in this review as well.

I think it’s pretty safe to say that Nutcracker Noir: A Sensual Cirque Ballet is the sexiest, funniest, most queer, most inventive, and HORNIEST ballet I’ve ever seen. Whether you have seen any version of The Nutcracker ballet or not, you’ll find it easy and enjoyable to follow along thanks to the fascinating story telling and musical numbers. I was fairly familiar with the story of the Tchaikovsky classical ballet going into it, so I was prepared for all dance, no dialogue, lots of fantastical characters, and more. What I was not prepared for was the extreme skill of the performers, the comedic talent consistent throughout, and of course… how unbelievably sexy the show could get. I believe I was only a few minutes into the show when I thought to myself, “Ah yes. This show is for the bisexuals” and what an honor it was to witness.

The story stays relatively consistent with the original, but with sensual twists. Clara (Thea Moon) is a romance novel devotee transported into a fantastical dream world where her beloved toy Nutcracker (Kit Vicious) transforms into a living person who serves as protector, guide, and the object of Clara’s romantic desires. Together they battle the Rat King (Apollo), travel through the land of the Snow Queen (Red Rider) and Fire King (Coy Tease), and arrive at the court of the… wait for it… Mistress Sugar Cum (not a typo) Fairy (Liana Flora). At the court, Clara is presented with a procession of performances that serve as educational experiences for her quickly disappearing innocence. Clara embraces her “carnal liberation” and uses her new-found confidence to woo her sexy nutcracker as she’s crowned Queen of the Land of Sweets.

Produced by Triple Threat Entertainment, the musical numbers (of which there are many) were choreographed by the performers to showcase their individual strengths. The production includes ballet (including two performers who frequently can be seen en pointe), burlesque, chair dancing (including a familiar routine for any Channing Tatum fans out there…), Cirque (including juggling, unicycle, and aerial silks), pole dance, and much, much more. I don’t want to give anything away that would ruin the joy of experiencing this show for the first time, but just to tickle your fancy here’s a brief (spoiler free) list of my favorite numbers: the ExSperimints, the Chestnuts, the Snowflakes and Embers, anytime pole dancing was involved, Mother Ginger (TifDynamite), and of course the finale.

The vast ensemble of performers created an amazing world of fully-realized characters, comedy bits, beautiful choreography and more. My friends and I laughed and cheered so much and so loudly that I am still hoarse four days later. The technical skill of the acrobatics and other talents blew me away and had me shaking my head in disbelief and awe. I want to give additional and specific shout outs to Apollo, Thea Moon, and Kit Vicious for their dedication to their characters and keeping things spicy in the background. While I may be showing my bias here, Apollo’s performance of the Rat King desperately vying for Clara’s attentions is worth following while you can. The specificity of his motley collection of characters is a delight to watch. Thea Moon and Kit Vicious are truly breathtaking throughout the show. When they are in focus they light up the stage with their chemistry, and the smoldering furtive glances and missed connections on the sidelines build the tension even further. This pairing is the dream come true of queer ballet/dance fans everywhere.

Truly the whole cast and creative team deserves an incredible amount of praise and credit, unfortunately I do not have their names/details at the time of writing this review. The costumes, lighting design, set decorations, props, and more are pitch perfect and it’s abundantly clear that everyone involved knew exactly what kind of show they have produced and exactly how to make it even better.

There are three more shows left, December 26-28. Showtimes are at 7:30pm on Friday and Saturday and Sunday at 5:00pm at the Phoenix Theater in Minneapolis. Trust me, you do NOT want to miss this show.

Tickets can be purchased here, general admission or VIP for front row seating: https://app.showslinger.com/v4/nutcracker-noir-a-sensual

The Phoenix Theater: https://www.phoenixtheatermpls.org/